Day 288, Eradication

Day 288 (4 of 6)

~ Eradication ~

Erasing others,

Victories short and bitter,

New demons evolve.


I’ve been silent, I’ve been exhausted with pain and misery and depression and a complete and utter lack of will to live. Why live in a world that refuses to evolve and would rather stagnate in its past accomplishments? It’s past pains and designs of what it thinks this life is. Humans like many other creatures were meant to evolve and move forward and I would hazard a guess that this evolution in many ways has been thwarted by their greater propensity to languish in man made wealth, man made ideals of who and what we are. Instead we destroy that which is the greatest wealth we have, our home and each other. There is so much we derive from each other after our worlds have come together, there should be growing pains but there should also be growth and a new world should evolve. We were never meant to be just one thing, We know this to be fact since the first people began migrating and exploring and evolving in new skills, new discoveries etc. the genetic material and DNA resides for so many within us and yet we cant see past the simplest of these things, the color of the flesh. A man coldly and cruelty crushes the neck of another, did he not see him, did he not care, could he not see himself in that person as he said he couldn’t breath, he cried out for him mom. What type of individual does this in a supposed intelligent and just society? His actions caused the world to see even more brutally that which aches us all. That which must be named and spoken of and eradicated from humanity.

George Floyd was taken from our collective human family, along with so many others, Tony McDade, Breonna Taylor( she would have been 27 yesterday), to many lives lost senselessly. Their deaths have ignited something that many of us now feel worlds away. It hit me hard I felt anxiety immediately I felt a deep pain emanating within taking over my whole body, as my knees bucked and I fell to the ground cursing and querying the universe wondering why I exist. Why must people all over the world who have more melanin, giving us our darker and varied complexions cast aside and treated as though we are less than. When we prove so often we are not. Why continue to exist in a world that would refuse to see us, because someone long ago decided to be fair complected is to be pure, and beautiful and good. While black is evil, it is dark, it is sinister, ugly? Who the fuck perverted the beauty of our universe when so much of who we are is born from our darkness. It is the womb from which all life springs. Yet in many cultures around the world they say, oh don’t be dark its not good, stay out of the sun or you’ll look like …, families right now are treating their offspring differently because one is darker and one is fair. People are growing up being made to feel less than and useless because of this seriously? Others are trying to chemically lighten their skin to their own detriment to become fair complected. Even worse is that the racism is not always from outside a certain group of people, within many cultures they turn their hate upon their own community members who are slightly darker complected. We see the hypocrisy of my own country even more so now in the light of day and recent events, it’s racism and classicism and brutal treatments of its own citizens, and it’s lack of leadership. Maybe some complacent Americans will realize also the pains of the rest of the world and its people. Growing a little and empathizing more and not being so quick to judge others by Americas own twisted standards and ideals that are far from perfect and not functioning beyond a surface level.

The current leader is failing, instead of healing his nation he wants to destroy it and bring about the destruction of all that does not benefit him personally, is this what a leader is? Someone leading not by what is best for all but is best for a few. The others politicians etc, who sit as ducks in row worried about their own interest instead of that of the masses. These so called leaders you find around the world are the problem with humanity, not evolving. They are the numerous speed bumps in the way of progress. Why are greed and complacency allowed to run rampant when the we need philosophers, scientists, thinkers and artists leading us all. Leaders who know to put aside their own prejudices to represent all fairly and equally. We don’t need the destruction of each other we need the appreciation of each other and understanding of the fact that as the world marches forward these things will CHANGE and ADAPT becoming something new, new cultures new collectives, new ideas and new exploration. We cannot and we can never get there until pains are healed and justice is served equally across the board for all individuals across the world.

The only thing allowing me to wake and remove myself from this despair is observing the world scream out in pain, people all over who did not know this man but know that this was wrong this was not right and this cannot and should not be who we are. People in New Zealand, England, across the world. People are uniting for whats right all at great expense to themselves as well during this time of our pandemic also. This helps me to try and live a little longer this is the collective fuel that would see me rise and not give up, desiring humanity to prosper and become better. This allows me to smile through unbearable pain, when I think of family and friends in the states and the unknown hate they could face. I’m not special never have been, but I’ve seen it, I’ve dreamed it and I felt and feel it from time to time. The first time was when a self professed Nazi spoke with me and felt my energy and I felt his and we connected, and for that brief moment in time we were to children, laughing and learning, innocently and without judgment. I didn’t immediately dismiss him and something allowed him to see me as well and not dismiss me. I still don’t know exactly what it was but for me it was a moment of magic as the little girl inside me allowed herself to respond, and stand up tall, when he approached without fear. Like children do before parents fill them and clad them in armors of hate and indifference for others. This is why I tell people NO don’t ever grow up completely, you give away some of the best parts of yourself when you do. Keep a certain naivety to be open learning about others and understand them. Explore without judgment of another and preconceived ideas about them. Do not let fear cloud your vision and blind you in a rage of hate for something you don’t understand, instead become equal parts guarded, curious, and open.

This time right now is most important, I’ve signed petitions written to governors and others expressing the pain and disgust I feel at inaction on their parts. I try to do my part and even notice past colleagues and people that have had contact with me showing their support in ways they can. I’ve beat myself up thinking I live so far from all of this and yet I’m on the floor, I can’t wake up sometimes, I cry all day, I can’t and couldn’t find my voice, and I’m still not sure I have.

Day 288 (6 of 6)

The doodle I worked on today is how I found myself sitting the other day for some time my eyes had dried up I had no more tears, My head was hanging, and I guess I propped it up knowing I didn’t have the strength but mother always said hold your head up. So I did in an awkward way allowing my hands to also cradle my face, in some odd way it felt comforting, even the thumb holding my lips tightly so the sobbing would subside. I used one of the random frames my partner came home with one day as the home for this piece. It was the perfect combination of structure and organic, hardness and softness, and something else I can’t quite put my finger on yet.

The poem I wrote with today’s post describes what I’ve allowed my self to think about if racist and people that choose to hate won. And lets say everyone around the globe that would fall under people of color just vanished and all the technological, historical, any and all, resources, advancements, stolen, shared and developed were removed with them. Transported to a new location, home planet, hypothetically. Would these racist people be happy? Would they find peace feeling and existing in this superior society? Or what new issues demons would they develop to destroy? What would their world look like, and would they be happy then? I cried the other day watching one individual describe how he’s waiting on just one tweet to know he now has permission to just go out and shoot people. I cried thinking is he even reachable, or are some truly and utterly lost behind a veil of hate and pain. He sits bunkerd down with his weapons of mass destruction waiting for the green light. The poem speaks to this endless cycle of hating.

A lion can silence a jungle with a roar, one day a unified wailing of the worlds people in pain, will lift their voices, silencing the hate of the world. Letting them feel the earth shake, as they realize we are here, and they feel that power. #onevoice #onepeople #worldwailing

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s