Day 202, ~ Mad Hatter ~

~ Mad Hatter ~

Falling without grace

Head full, ideas abounding

All without its place.

KKF

Rummaging through my chest and little hidden places around the house finding a multitude of old notebooks, drawings etc. I think this little one I found is over 12 years old, I think. It’s a funky little quick sketch I think for a painting project and series I wanted to work on. Anyhow it’s beautiful outside but way to hot and I feel like my mind is in a state of being cooked. Literally everything is just evaporating into thin air. Maybe I’m hitting a wall, maybe I’m reevaluating everything and I’m unsure of my destination. I know it’s this, it’s always this. Even opening these old notebooks some from over 20 years ago I’ve always been in an insanity space, I think I’m not quite sure I mean hell I’ve never been able to see myself the way others see me. I’ve not authentically known my worth if any.  While being able to somehow exude that I have worth at times rather convincingly. I’m reading some of these old observations and poems, meanderings etc. Some that I enjoy finding are thoughts on projects from long ago that I didn’t use at those times but could be relevant to present day. These I know I will use once I know exactly how I want to manifest them.

I found this old Haiku I wrote from 20 years ago and it didn’t have a title, but I thought it fits calling it Mad Hatter, because today I’m feeling kind of scrambled and this haiku also speaks to that. I know this doodle and haiku were not composed together as well, there’s most likely a large gap of time between them but I love finding or searching for something similar. Maybe I’m mad but, there’s something poetic as well about knowledge, surrounding yourself with all types and all iterations and still there exist a unknown of knowing too much and still slipping into a realm of loneliness, insanity, and disconnection. Today I’m scrambled, today I’m slipping, it’s just the heat, so I’ll smile like a mad hatter!