~ The Sigh ~
Heavy breath exhaled
Weighed down in despairs tight grip
Given time escapes.
A collective sigh of relief I hope but make no final judgment either way. Because what is this sigh I speak of? For me it has been a brief moment of relief, a small glimpse of joy before quickly becoming tainted again and layered again beneath a despair to heavy to navigate. I imagine myself strong and capable, worthy of the breath I breath, I imagine I can find my way thru yet time and again I become lost, inspired, uninspired, focused, and dizzy dancing within the chaos of my mind. Unable to see what the world observes unable to navigate it as my ego would have me do. In that sense I am lost and knowingly never to be found, not even to myself. I’ve lost that long ago with all of the things that have taken place yet I rise and I breath and I try again and again. Dragging those weights and lessons learned, the load becoming heavier and heavier until I can no longer surface. While death holds sway, always a constant and caring energy, waiting patiently for the final embrace. It’s funny to say when I think of death I tend to think of the lack of energy the lack of that spark of life. I also think instead of death as this calm ending so that something new can aspire to other unique trajectories. I did not and could not say greater because this is unknown and what is it anyhow what makes one life greater than another when they all begin and end the same, the first and last breath.
There is joy, I gleam this when I see the faces of people I have grown to love and for those moments it is an intense connection, that tethers me to this time and space. I feel for them, these other energies I bounce into, reflect, refract, repel, replenish, and sometimes absorb. Once the light of those moments fade, I am enveloped in a chaotic energy blinded, consumed within a void. Reformed and emerging time and again as though reborn, inhaling and exhaling for the first time.
Today’s poem is this process dissipating into something else, and the pieces included are figure play as my mind meanders thru what I wished to say and form it should take.