~ Restraints ~
Twisting and turning
Bound tighter, suffocating
Darkness and new breath
That existential dancing dipping and diving twirling and falling getting back up and doing it time and again. What else could you or can you do when the energy contained within never rest. Even when you take a pause it rages within, your body its puppet as it manifest itself involuntarily. Recently I’ve focused on the work I’ve had for the past couple months, and literally nothing else. I have felt tortured in my taking several steps back trying to come to some self realizations and explorations. My moment of calm are never calm they are infused with this anxious anxiety and energy raging within and me unable to point it in the right directions. Trying to navigate an existence that at so many turns you feel is pointless and futile. You watch the world burning and yet you feel a deep despair at feeling unable to do anything to alleviate something. So I became the ostrich I buried my head in my work and thought of nothing more. Were moving and now the next weeks will be full of self reflecting as you look around at what you call home and decide yet again what is trash or treasured, what is to be kept and discarded, sold or destroyed. You pull with all the strength you can muster ripping your roots from their resting place. Severing the connections made, thirsting for nourishment and a grounding place. I don’t know what awaits I only know the energy that rages within will either ignite the new fires of life, consumption or destruction. Either way the burning I feel resonating within my flesh for now is caging and burning the oxygen suffocating me, blinding me, when I long to see.
Today’s photo was an image I created while trying to relax in a shower after work. I was and have been emotionally drained and wore out the past couple weeks. Unable to socialize or even muster the slightest energy needed to function at times. It’s part of my bodies cycles I know them yet they always hit hard and with the same depth and complexity as usual. This image sums up my emotional state.
The second and third images are from earlier, that day when my energy was high enough to function and socialize and do the daily things you need to interacting with the world. I was climbing up a tall scaffolding to do some painting. The sun was up and the weather was nice, I however was dressed a little overly cautious of my hair and personal space, as the roofs of this location are adorned with many many seagulls. I had no desire to have them swoop to close of falling poo to target my person. But it went well they were more calm now, All the babies were much larger now and therefore their heightened sense of protection was quelled some. The other photo I took while taking a break sitting up top looking at the activities and world below and around. It was kind of nice, and I learned I don’t have much issue with heights.