~ Vinegar and Honey ~
Exuberance a false shield,
Blinding others still.
I feel drained as I’m sure many of us are in these times. I don’t even know what to say as I digest what is happening on this planet, the home of humans. Many fall prey to the sweet tainted words of corrupt leaders and ideals that still to this day twist and distort the world to their whims, and yet that vinegar chaser does nothing to shock the collective conscious. I’m an idiot I know to think there ever could be one. To dream as so many have before of living thru a world that puts down its arms and begins to see and embrace each other honestly and thoughtfully. Put aside pains that fuel hate for future divides to tear the world asunder.
It’s a hard pill to swallow knowing the spark of the human life will extinguish before it can truly understand itself. The shock of waking time and time again only to fall asleep, orchestrating dreams of an enlightened unified world where the needs of all are met. In the least the attempts to become unified and working together but there is always a power struggle there is always a greed and since of entitled dominance that lurks in the shadows of minds. Leaders and people conceding now and then, because later they will reap their rewards one way or another. Never realizing the rewards will always remain just out of reach if it is even possible to be had. Truly the beast that can and never will be satiated. Yet tethered to the beast they remain convinced one day they will over power it and reap their final reward.
Today I forced myself to fight thru the hopelessness of everything, that feeling that kills me over and over again. Yet I rise, I rise and have to look in the mirror and find something in the world to breath for to keep existing for. Maybe it is and always will be small joys, this is what I told myself today. I thought of the move we will make soon during a pandemic, during so much pain in the world and I thought, no I smiled thinking I’ll have the chance to volunteer more often and this made my heart skip a beat in joy. Because if I have any super powers I think its being able to push myself aside and smile through my pain as never to give it to another who meets me. I’ve always been the sponge the one who absorbs and filters information sometimes too much for me and that’s when I shut down, for some time recharging and rebuilding. So that I may be there and listen to and help others find relief where I cannot find the solutions for myself no matter how many vices I try. This is the beast I feed, time and again hoping for the reward of total and utter release and calm.
But for now I can lay down on the ground and once again fall into the beautiful cloud filled sky, letting my mind drift however briefly in a state of joy before falling back to earth again.