~ Bursting ~
Never planned, always abrupt
Altering our lives.
Bit of a hiatus, and today finally forced myself out of the bubble of just for lack of wording at the moment I’ll say fuckery. I dislike when I fall into a slump I hate that I’m at times not able to move or even think straight, plan or implement anything. But today I did, I threw myself out of bed and said I want to ride with my fiance to the city, I want to get away from myself and force myself into that mode where you just function because you have to. By being around strangers in stores and cafes, I force myself into a mechanical mode of smile be polite and interested and that thing everyone likes to call normal. I couldn’t let the dark brooding depressive borderline being that resides within me to come out to play. I wanted to push her down deep inside and let her screams become muffled by my well scripted conversations for the interactions I would have this day. She will return I know this well, from myself and from those closest to me that remind me this is just a moment you will rise again. This is your mind these are your moods embrace them and don’t let them control and destroy you.
When the fall does happen though its limitless, and there’s just a void and you keep spinning twirling and flailing wildly or composed and just letting the weight drag you down. I’m the later I become comatose and I perceive and I’m aware of everything yet I cannot move I cannot see past the blinders of despair that block my vision. I think this is where this doodle came from today. There’s this bubble of tension about to burst, tension unraveling yet controlled yet flailing wildly through the yo yo. Eyes transfixed so focused on and thru everything seeing nothing. Expressions of openness and yet guarded at the same time, still trying to control the narratives.
~The dance ~
A bit of whimsy, and a dash of crazy, she teeters back and forth and everywhere in between.
Catch a glimpse of something beautiful and at other times obscene.
She’ll dance and smile, tears dry before they fall.
True emotions held at bay before the curtains final call.
Teetering back to solitude, the fuse almost extinguished.
The last ounce of control, she had finally relinquished.
Falling curled into a ball upon the floor, and below.
Sinking to unimaginable depths of which only few truly know.