~ The Stare ~
Focusing on you
Piercing deep into, through you
Gazing upon stars.
Long day today in the car with picking up some materials in the next city for my partners work. It was nice to get out of the house and take a little trip, only took a small red notebook with me in the hopes I would start something and make something today. It was so beautiful outside, raining one minute then shining warmth the next. I amused myself in the car a little on snapchat but Idk it makes me smile but I only play on it, haven’t done much else with it. Besides become a little kid playing with silly filters when I need a break and some giggles. Never loose the inner child, it’s sometimes the best part of us.
I ended up settling on this filter because I kind of like the split versions of yourself, it fit with where my mind was and who I was trying to channel this day I guess. I tend to not smile my default is kind of dead stares not sure why, my smiles always feel forced. Are there genuine smiles now and then heck yeah? But with some of my issues I tend to always see things through a body dysmorphic filter. Not able to see myself and so in photos with others and even alone I try to smile and exude a happiness that sometimes doesn’t reflect behind my eyes. It’s so hard accepting and realizing everyday when I fluctuate that its just my chemistry it’s who I am. You understand all the science behind it, yet it still comes as a shock every day my mood shifts instantly.
Anyhow Long drives, a couple of naps because I don’t sit well in cars. I’m always fidgety lol. But once we made it to the boat to cross the sea I started sketching on the calm waters. My little red sketch book finally receives its first sketch.