I have always expressed myself and my emotions through my art, or what became known to me as art through my teachers. I’ve always been kind of on the outside, observing and, not quite fitting in with any specific group. I’m a very positive person but as I like to say within reason. I smile because a situation calls for it and nothing more. Behind my eyes though you’d be amazed at what’s going on within my mind. Sometimes its pure chaos and curiosity mixed in a swirling mass of confusion. But its one in which I must function. I must try and maintain some order and inspiration. Reaching up into that tornado of ideas and epiphanies and so on. I can at times pull something down I can work with, manifesting it into reality to share with myself and maybe one day with others. I know that creativity exist in my family, my mother’s older brother, that I didn’t get to meet so often or chat with because I was so young. But I remember he was an artist as well. Sculptor and painter, who unfortunately passed away to young. To this day, I wish I had more time to know him, talk with him, and pick his mind.
I have a great family, our mother and father taught us more than I could ever imagine in their own unique ways. They worked hard to make sure we wanted for nothing. With that journey we experienced good and bad times, when money was great, and when it was not. Yet our parents always loved and protected us. What most people forget though is that their parents or parent or caretakers, are people with their own lives and set of challenges. So, for parents out there that manage to have their own ambitions and take care of and love their offspring no matter whom they are I give great respect. I credit my parents with the fact that I have limits, I know self-control, and I’m an individual that tends to give everyone the benefit of the doubt until proven otherwise. I may be a bit of a dark cloud in my work or words at times, but I like trying to bring sunshine to others. It’s always been a nice feeling, a raging storm inside, but you try to emote a pleasant exterior, a balance. With this I’ve managed to explore in ways I never planned or dreamed of. I’m happy that I’m able to travel more often, to learn and experience more of this world and its people. It’s a bitter sweet journey that I know shall always bring joy and tears to me. That balance doesn’t make it any easier to accept the atrocities that take place even as I typed this or when you came across this blog post.
My current inspiration is based upon humans and our evolution, or as I sometimes feel, lack of. For some years now, I started trying to develop my style and techniques. Showcasing vulnerabilities, and strength and taking away the things that help to classify and place people into boxes. I want us all to see and appreciate each other as we are underneath. But whenever my mind goes here, I feel like most will dismiss this notion as some new age hippie thing. It’s not, I’ve worked in schooling and I loved seeing the children working together and functioning as a group, to achieve different goals or just play. The hate and prejudice come later from their immediate family and larger community around them. Infecting them with misinformation.
When I was younger I used to enjoy foreign films, and not only Hollywood films. I was a fan of Akira Kurosawa’s work and film style. I also liked German films, if I envisioned my future man, he was often a big German or Russian redhead with freckles. Later, I had a big crush on the actor Takeshi Kaneshiro, whom I’d seen and a few films and every time he was on screen I was glued to it. The languages in foreign films sounded so beautiful to me, the power, the base and directness when they spoke in these films appealed to me. So, I let fantasy run wild pretending they were speaking directly to me. I only mention this because these movies are an important part of my development. There is a quote from the famous Norwegian adventurer Thor Heyerdahl that I love “Borders I have never seen one. But I have heard they exist in the minds of some people.”. I loved this quote because for me it means to never limit myself.
This painting I shared above was a small project that I made for myself, because I’ve never painted much scenery or flowers. I thought: “well why not” and make them in my way. I hope you notice that I pay tribute to an artist I love, Vincent Van Gogh. I studied his Sunflower paintings (one shown above) and wanted to make my own version inspired by his work. So, I went with the withered route, playing with nuances of reds, greens, against dark shades coming from a blue background. There are also subtle elements of sexuality contained within the painting, something I often incorporate in my work. I used a color that Vincent was fond of, Yellow Ochre, later he also used yellow cadmium and chrome yellow. I left this color as a bright foundation. I also included some gold leafing on the vase, not to mention the urge to crack it. It also represents the self and our birth, growth and death. If you ever have the chance to visit the Van Gogh Museum in Amsterdam I found the museum a wonderful, inspirational experience.
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